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DJ Coulter & Associates

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Have you wanted a fresh view on things recently? Do you feel that you get enough support and advice from your present accountant? But are you concerned about upsetting the balance by talking to someone new?

Call us now on
01242 265 766
to arrange a FREE no-obligation, confidential chat - We believe that is all it will take for you to discover that we see things differently.

Accounting services with a difference!
  

   
Q: What does a duck and a taxman have in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their ar** !
 
"...The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin." Mark Twain
 
 
Q: Did you hear about the constipated Accountant?
A: He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil!
 
Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depreciation.
Q: What has lots of arms and legs?
A: A happy and successful tax inspector!
 
Q: What is the difference between a terrorist and a tax inspector?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist!
 
Q. What's the difference between an overzealous tax investigator and a rottweiler?
A. A rottweiler eventually lets go!
Q: What's black and tan and looks good on a tax inspector?
A: A doberman...
   
Q: What did the terrorist who high-jacked a plane full of tax inspectors threaten to do if his demands weren't met?
A: Release one every hour...
   
Q: How do you drive an Accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.
 

There are just three types of Accountant...
                  ....those who can count and those who can't.
 
How Accountants do it....
bulletAccountants do it by the book...
bulletAccountants do it within budget...
bulletAccountants do it to the bottom line...
bulletAccountants do it with double entry...
bulletAccountants do it between spreadsheets...
bulletAccountants are Certified to do it in Public...
bulletAccountants do it without losing their balance...!
 
Client - "How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?"
Accountant - "What kind of answer did you have in mind?"
 
Client - "How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?"
Accountant - "Two! One to change the light bulb, and one to check it was done within budget."
 
Q: Why don't sharks attack tax inspectors?
A: Professional courtesy

If you have a taxman, VATman, or accountant joke we could add to this page please email it to: funnystuff@djcoulter.co.uk

  

DJ Coulter & Associates Limited
Head Office: 7 Clarence Parade, Cheltenham  GL50 3NY
Also at: Hodfar House, Hodfar Road, Stourport on Severn  DY13 9QB
T: 01242 265 766  F: 08719 712 766
 

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Chartered Certified Accountants

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DJ Coulter & Associates Limited, Registered in England and Wales, Registered Number 5878773
Registered Office 7 Clarence Parade, Cheltenham GL50 3NY

  

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