Have you
wanted a fresh view on things recently? Do you feel that you get enough
support and advice from your present accountant? But are you concerned about
upsetting the balance by talking to someone new?
Call us now on
01242 265 766 to arrange a FREE no-obligation, confidential chat - We believe that is all
it will take for you to discover that we see things differently.
Q: What does a duck and a taxman have in common? A: They can both
stick their bills up their ar** !
"...The
only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin." Mark Twain
Q: Did you hear
about the constipated Accountant? A: He couldn't budget so he had to work it out
with a pencil!
Q. What do accountants suffer from that
ordinary people don't? A. Depreciation.
Q: What has lots of arms and legs? A: A happy and successful tax
inspector!
Q: What is the
difference between a terrorist and a tax inspector? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist!
Q. What's the
difference between an overzealous tax investigator and a rottweiler? A. A rottweiler eventually lets go!
Q: What's black
and tan and looks good on a tax inspector? A: A doberman...
Q: What did the
terrorist who high-jacked a plane full of
tax inspectors threaten to do if his demands weren't met? A: Release one every hour...
Q: How do you
drive an Accountant completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and
fold a road map the wrong way.
There are just three types of Accountant...
....those who can count and those
who can't.
How Accountants do it....
Accountants do it by the book...
Accountants do it within budget...
Accountants do it to the bottom line...
Accountants do it with double entry...
Accountants do it between spreadsheets...
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public...
Accountants do it without losing their balance...!
Client - "How many Accountants
does it take to change a light bulb?"
Accountant - "What kind of answer did you have in mind?"
Client - "How many
Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?"
Accountant - "Two! One to change the light bulb, and one to check it was
done within budget."
Q: Why don't sharks
attack tax inspectors? A: Professional courtesy
If you have a taxman, VATman, or accountant joke we could add to this page
please email it to:
funnystuff@djcoulter.co.uk
DJ Coulter & Associates Limited Head Office: 7 Clarence Parade, Cheltenham GL50
3NY Also at: Hodfar House, Hodfar Road, Stourport on Severn
DY13 9QB
T: 01242 265 766
F: 08719 712 766
_____________________________
Members of the Association of
Chartered Certified Accountants
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